Sometimes I just sit inside my head and let my insecurities run on replay as I ponder my next move in society. I draw blanks for my direct personality I walk blinded by the cruel truth of reality. Though some take me as a fool one who is not smart or who does not pay attention fails to see the fight on the inside of this dark wnemy names depression.

I am not looking to be an obligation when I walk in a room the only person is me I will be impersonating, I am not fake so why are you waiting? Love is pure this is not a debate so please stop debating. The enemy gets on my nerves it is so fustrating, four walls covered up in all these photos of devestation God removed them, and started painting renewed the walls like a blank canvas my sins are no longer hanging. Only person I will be blamming is myself, cut down the ropes.. balance isnt my thing, so please do not mistake me for another joker.. 52 cards, and every card I draw cant be played, distinctly I sit respectively, picking my battles I do this selectively. Pitty me no need I ain't looking for the old me. Face to face I stand, picture perfect never happened its all in Gods hands. My emotions have been my weakness sad part is you will all be juding, when the truth is strong people wear the truth on their shirt like a over used button, forged in fire taken to another level my heart burns brighter. Flight or right?, naw I am in the middle, caught between devices holding onto God these battles are priceless. Building character precisely God has a plan, and it will all pan out nicely, all in time I wait nightly, and I do not let my feelings go lightly, in the end he renews, and ignites me. Glory to God.

In these times in comeplete darkness, we walk slowly through as we feel the cold touch against our skin, each foot step echoes all around, and nothing else can be heard accept your thoughts swirling around. Right when the hope you had is lost a light flickers on, the voice of a savior passes over you like a sweet song, and you find yourself in peace in the midst of black the King has always had your back.

Sometimes in life we jump to conclusions, we find easy ways out.. But what if God asked you to sit in the dark? In a place you have never been, and to be still would you? I feel like God is challenging me to face my fears, and allow him to do work in my situation. One of the worlds biggest fears is the unknown, one of Gods favorite times to work in our life is the times we are in these postions, and the only option we have is Him.

My heart is a mirrior reflecting every single one my fears, open the door everything around me is confusion golore. I have lot to say so I display it with nothing held back, I mean... I am real so what can I say?, socially acceptable?, I am just being me.. talking to God is how I relate, I wonder how he invisions me. I do not take credit, I earn it these goals are beyond me, but my hope I am wearing tightly on me, you could say I have a gift, I can write for hours, and never miss a beat!, hold up I need a minute to breath. My mind is racing these words you best be tracing, never been afraid of the enemies that I will be facing. God in my heart, the world scared onto my chest, this bucket is heavy from all the tears that I have shed my performance days are over, the curtain is closed I am here to be myself.

Sorrow bleeds.drained inside these puddles and leaves.our days are numbered though so many are forgotten and so little are remembered.wasting our breath as the clock ticks on, looking for awnseres or at least someone to confirm our decisions throughout this very troubled life.

Close our eyes at the final light only to awake to a dreadful delight cold yet reassuring that we are indeed still alive. So we pick up our feet and put on our mask of feelings in hope we will exceed one more day. God knows our trials and gives us strength through the struggles and pain.the only final word left to say is I sure hope he rememberes my name.

though i had planned my path, franticly i found myself at a loss of my path for days i wandered with not a single breath miss used but soon i found that amongst me was a still figure of regret from what i  had become and what i had not.

here i lay frozen beneath the ice hoping one day i will break free and in that moment everyone will see, i was molded from my past so i may be a light for all who are willing to see

That still moment all alone as you sit quietly in your chair, the creeks and noises of the house, those faint whispers as the wind passes by.

Scratches you hear? those overgrown bushes and you could never forget the smell of the candles as the burn freely.
Left to ponder in your own mind as the time passes with not a moment feeling as if it will pass by, tears of the journey's that have struggled through yet still somehow you are still aware and awake prepered and destined to win over every mistake.

Hide in the shadows you should not, you listen for noises that should have been forgot, remember the truth is not what you arnt but who you are, exactly who he intended you to be so next time you sit in the place of selience seek the memories that bring you happy thoughts and never entertain those voices of your enemy the truly lie tremendously

I found myself amongst the rubble, pushed against the ground with nothing but a wooden shovel, I dug for days but layed amongst my very grave. Today I know I will be saved the awnsere is when will I be saved without being left a strayed

I/my family sat in the hospital while my mom had a tumor removed, i and my family lost our home and everything pretty much, me and my family lost my mom and my grandpa, me and my family went through struggles and hurt and this is just some of the highlights, I also went through back and leg surgery. Alcoholism, addiction, hatred toward myself and others, suicidal thoughts, I believed life was nothing and never would be, I thought God abandoned me.
But in truth I abandoned hi...m.

If you would have told me that me a snaughty little brat that got everything he wanted back in the day, spending fortunes on games and things to satisfy my urge to have more, would soon go to church camp and become a different man with a gentle heart and that I would go through all this suffering and wrong choices would end up today happy and being closer to God then ever before, I would have thought you we're a fool.
People please stop low balling Jesus and complaining life sucks because it doesn't get better, because God has left you there. God never left you it is you who turned from him, how do I know? Because I am and was that man/boy.
I got a news flash Jesus is real and he is good! And he is the way, stop spending your energy to run from him when all you gotta do is turn around and fall into his arms!!
I am gonna take everything the enemy told me I was and I am gonna watch the enemy shake and fall underneath my feet as a spread and confess the grave of God! He saved me and he can save you too!
Pastor bob told me I was gonna preach like a lion and help many young people and nothing is gonna keep me from that

That still moment all alone as you sit quietly in your chair, the creeks and noises of the house, those faint whispers as the wind passes by.
Scratches you hear? those overgrown bushes and you could never forget the smell of the candles as the burn freely.
Left to ponder in your own mind as the time passes with not a moment feeling as if it will pass by, tears of the journey's that have struggled through yet still somehow you are still aware and awake prepered and destined t...o win over every mistake.

Hide in the shadows you should not, you listen for noises that should have been forgot, remember the truth is not what you arnt but who you are, exactly who he intended you to be so next time you sit in the place of selience seek the memories that bring you happy thoughts and never entertain those voices of your enemy the truly lie tremendously

If I gave you a list of the thing I missed and how my time was spent in bliss, how the struggle I felt was so real lost in memory of things that don't return yet redeemed I stand here not a lone

Around a year ago I had no job, couldn't hardly walk, was in very deep depression and not mention my addiction.
Today I have 2 jobs paying for my rent, food, phone and all that good stuff.
On top of becoming a youth leader and I have a awesome girlfriend!
My depression is gone and my old addiction is gone.
...

Can it get a amen?
God rewards the humble and believe me living for him is much better then for yourself

Do not live today for tomorrow, for a man/women who plans for something that is yet to come surely plans there own destruction.
But be fruitful and great full for the time at hand and know tomorrow is already taken care of

I think sometimes the world sees a good person but because of the way things are, feel the needs to question the goodness of that person when no test is needed.

There is good in the world you just got believe in it

I wandered for days in the crippling woods, so many things heard but not seen, the twigs would crack, wolves would howl, It  seems as if  the only thing relate full was the sky still blue and as always I could see the moon. In some mysterious way I felt safe again I knew if I just kept looking up I would find my way back home.

Are you struggling? Caught in the wilderness of the world, well my friend eyes to the sky he is watching and he loves you

The world claims that God is false because the chaos we bring upon ourself, now I could get into detail but let me ask, if I shoot someone do I have the right to say your to blame for not doing something to stop it?

We have free will, you can't just simply stop something that never ends, which is sin!

eminem Let's pretend, Marshall Mathers never picked up a pen
Let's pretend, things would've been no different
Pretend he procrastinated had no motivation
Pretend he just made excuses that was so paper thin
They could blow away with the wind
Marshall you never going to make it
Makes no sense to play the game there ain't no way that'll you win
Pretend he just stayed outside all day and played with his friends.

me
let's pretend, mickey never became a christian, let's pretend i never repented for all of my sin, life would be so different, pretend i just gave up and threw my beliefs and the blew away with the wind, pretend my vision was so dark i never even begin.

pretend i was not awkward and was social as a kid and i had a idea of what it was like to fit in, let us pretend i stopped taking everybody's crap and became my own person, stop allowing people to step on me and look down upon my progress, let us pretend i forgot about all the people who shot me down and still do, the ones i have seen. church use to be called safety now most are just a fake industry, pretend you see it from my view i don't lie to myself to make things better.

i guess i did't get that, i never stopped and i hope the world didn't miss that, i put my energy into holding onto the wish that never came but that is okay because his love is always the same, i know at the dark times and moments it feels a little down and these words feel like a infection spreading around, i just gotta say i never stop trying and if no one sees... well that would be okay with me, cause i can see the goodness and strength in me and so can he. God gave me a vision maybe one day ill be a preacher beyond the worlds decision or a singer tour the world and everyday will be my mission. wherever will work for me as long as it is a distant from my original life

Blood shed never was a reality, you'd think n here in this state of decay we would find our actions gone within in a small reaction.

Keep truth but know the truth between life and satisfaction, death over stilled distraction that will and has blinded us with no remorse or retraction. anger beyond our own self intentions allowing ourself to be controller by fear and false direction.

Look to the sky because without him you surely are destined to die, this world is crumbling and Jesus can put the pieces back together

i asked myself how my writings have become more and more deep not to add the have surely improved.

when i write i find myself in a place nobody cares to wander, joyful yet a dark place, a distant deep inside me with shackles that are bound to me no matter where i hide, the cold metal that chills my body as i attempt to free myself, is this twisted? am i sane?

remember people lol these are writings i am okay!

how can you be afraid of pain? when you witnessed all you could bare and almost became numb? maybe i am just over sensitive, maybe my battle is larger in the spirit world, a battle not between life and material work but between the devil that seeks to destroy me and remove my hope, is it possible to be devoured from the inside? when you are completely together on the outside .

i am not weak maybe confused, different perhaps

i see the wind blow as the steady day begins to fade to grey, i pick my feet up and i am on my way, i write everything in riddle to some i must say because i see things differently in a unique way, i express myself through my writing and singing, it gives a sense of comfort so i may keep on moving with meaning.

lyrics genius naw just a truthful speaker, i write things strong because i don't wish to be weaker, i feel to express ones self you should express completely.

poem
i saw humanity once for what it was, a stilled feeling i felt a cold rush run down my spine to find i had simply traveled to far into my very mind. why do i care which way the other strays? beyond even this the one who has drifted away.
now surely i have witness the darkness of the world i must say but lived long enough to know there is joy to be had in each day. i strive to keep myself at bay and be a light to others a long the way.

A saint you say? in no way do i portray this act in anyway, judgment i tend to stick away i am not a fan of picking the wrongs although i have had times were i have been very wrong. my simple point to say i will be the best each and everyday hoping i can help those who fall behind or that have lost there way, hoping i may rescue them from there dismay.

i am not here to be perfect, i don't follow every rule and i am a sinner of that i am the worst but i do believe the man upstairs cares for me and you. and as much as aideny it i know there is hope, just reach out your hand